Tag Archives: parenthood

Mompiphany #47: Nesting, 4th Baby Style

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Children, Baby new born

The most common question that I get now that I am in my last few weeks of pregnancy is, “Are you ready?”, to which I always reply, “Is anyone ever ready to have a baby????” Of course with my first child when I was a mere 20 weeks along, the nursery looked like a page start out of Pottery Barn Kids, all of the zillion onesies that we had were gently cleaned with dreft, the infant carrier was carefully installed  at the local fire station and my husband and I were the subjects of a cheesy photoshoot that included a field, my bare belly and my husband’s fingers expressing a heart around my belly. I guess that you could say that with the arrival of each child my anal retentiveness about certain things has decreased. The love I have for the kids is always the same but the whole nesting process has been dramatically revamped, especially for my last pregnancy.

Now, my version of nesting is completely different than what it was almost a decade ago. Since it is almost game time, I have begun a new and improved version of nesting.  I have been scheduling lunches with all of my local girlfriends, I have booked babysitters for every.single Saturday nite up until the day I give birth so that Astor and I can go to as many movies as possible.  I have scheduled appointments for manicures and pedicures and all essential hair removal. I have cleaned out my email inbox, returned phone calls, purchased all of the crafts at AC Moore that my kids can easily and quietly do on their own.  I have gone to  Trader Joe’s and stocked up on as many healthy, easy meals that my freezer can hold. I am doing a practical version of nesting.

I know for a fact that once the baby is here, the laundry will get done, the casseroles can be made, and the nursery can be perfected, and  I also know that unless someone is very, very, very, brave, no one will be offering to babysit my breastfed, colicy baby while I get my eyebrows threaded.

Now who lives in Maryland and wants to meet me at Chiptole on Thursday of next week?

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Mompiphany #46: Never Put Jeans On A Baby

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Good jeans

A couple of people have asked me recently if I plan on having a shower. At first I figured they were being literal, i.e., whether I planned on actually taking a shower, but then I realize that they were wondering if my husband and I would be having a baby shower for our fourth baby.

My answer is always No. Not that we don’t want this baby to have 1 million burp clothes, onesies with duckies on them, and the latest and greatest in diaper technology, but something about having a shower when you are having your fourth child makes me feel uneasy — the same way that I feel when my favorite US Weekly media whores register for wedding gifts for what is probably going to be a 78-day marriage.

After your second or third child you really know what is needed and what is not (and for the record I don’t think that a wiper warmer should ever  make it onto anyone’s registry), and by the time you have your fourth child, I think it is time to really streamline. I have started putting together a list of things that we will need for the baby, and I will say this time around I know that less is more. There is so much baby JUNK available that seems so cool but it just ends up cluttering up your house and wasting your money.

Here are the ten things that I think are a “must” for moms who have been down this road before:
1. Diapers/Wipes

2. Nursing Cover/Nursing Bras

3. Burp Clothes

4. Onesies/Sleepers

5. Bouncer

6. Swing

7. Bassinet/Changing Table/Rocking Chair

8. Car Seat

9. Baby Monitor

10. Blankets (can double as a nursing cover)

Voila! That is it. Despite what BabiesRUs and Pottery Barn Kids will say, I think that less is more when it comes to babies. With my first child, I remember toting around a diaper bag filled to the brim with all sorts of nonsense, and by the time we had our third child, I just threw some hand sanitizer, diapers and wipes in my tote bag and called it a day (I did always leave a few spare changes of clothes in my car).

Speaking of clothes, I think that is really one area that you can cut back on. I look back on pictures of my oldest daughter, Marlee, and I cannot believe that I had the audacity to put a baby in jeans. How uncomfortable?? (and to think that I thought her incessant crying every. single. solitary day from 3pm-8pm was colic — it was probably from the torture of wearing jeans.) For clothes this time around, I plan to get a lot of sleepers and have the baby wear those — they make it easy to change the baby, they can easily transition from wake time to sleep time (babies do sleep at some point, right????) and they are affordable.

Are there any items that you think are important to have for a newborn? Let me know… I am a little rusty!

Mompiphany #44: It’s Not On The List!

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pen and paper

What a hot, hot, hot, hot mess. I have not posted in so long. I would blame it on the fact that I have been busy, that the kids have been running me ragged, that my house is the most organized and clean that it has ever been (ok, that is a little white lie), that I have been busy developing lungs and other vital body parts for my unborn baby, but instead, I will say that I have not posted because I have not been feeling IT. I am not a fake-the-funk kind of girl when it comes to this blog, my relationships, friendships or any other “-ship” or “ish” for that matter.  If I don’t feel it, I can’t fake it.  Hopefully you all won’t hold it against me.  Enough about me though…..

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I have been busy getting things ready for the holiday: house, menu, patience, stamina, etc, and  I have really started thinking about all of the many things in my life that I have to be thankful for.  In all of this thankfulness, I am struck with how much excess is in my house. I pride myself on being the anti-hoarder.   If you enjoy a glass of water at my house, set it down and look for the cup (within 5 minutes or so)  it is probably already in the dishwasher.  So how on earth did I end up with so much STUFF in my house??? By not following my own cardinal rule — the rule that I scream at my kids anytime we are at Target: IT’S NOT ON THE LIST!

Generally when I take the kids shopping it is for a purpose.  We need something: toilet paper, shoes, stool softener ( you know important stuff). I made up this rule because wherever we go my kids are able to find at least something that they want… who knew that the laxative aisle would look so appealing to little eyes.  Anyway, before we go into stores, I usually tell them not to ask for anything because I am only going to buy what is on the list.  And, when I am with them I am very good about sticking to my list.  But, as I perused their closets and their playroom, I recognize that the problem with excess in my house is all my fault.

When I am out (solo) I often buy things for the kids/home, etc, because it is nice, cute, on sale, blah blah blah and the items begin to accumulate. I checked, and my middle daughter, Mckinley, has 3 winter coats. THREE. I know that there are some kids who don’t have one (and no wonder my kids are not too distraught when they lose things… they know that Mommy most likely has a replacement at the ready).  I am thankful for my life and all of the blessings that we have, but I am also ashamed by the level of excess that I have allowed to accumulate. I am making a new resolution to make sure that I only get things that we need. Am I am going to start living like a black Amish Mother? No, but I do think that I can make a more concerted effort to stop wasting and stop indulging in things that we don’t need and the kids don’t want or appreciate it.

I know this is going to be hard as I was just in A.C. Moore and saw so many things that could keep my kids quiet for hours on end.  But, I opted against indulging, wrote the items down and will come back to buy them as part of their Christmas gifts (and when I have my trusty coupons). See, restraint looks good on me!

Mompiphany #43: The Perfect Number Of Kids

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Our growing family on vacation this summer.

What I find so funny and so annoying (and by the way… my husband will confirm that almost everything annoys me these days) are the opinions that people have about the “perfect” number of kids to have.

When we first got married, people asked us right away if we planned to have kids. Yes, we did plan on it, so I didn’t find that question all THAT annoying. But, looking back on it, it is quite intrusive to ask a couple if and when they plan to procreate. News Flash: some people don’t want to have kids and some people desire nothing more than to have a child but are having issues conceiving and either way it should not be a topic of conversation.

When we had our first daughter, people almost immediately starting asking us if we wanted two kids and by two kids what I really mean is that people asked us if we would have another child with the hope of having a boy because it seems that a girl and boy is the American dream. We did plan on having more kids, but it did slightly annoy me when people would insinuate that my husband would surely die a slow, horrible death if he was not blessed with a man-child.

Once we had two kids (and two girls no less), people really started pouring it on thick, asking us (in front of our girls mind you) if we were going to try for a boy because clearly having a child who knowingly and happily pees on the floor without the slightest shame is heaven on earth. It was at this time that I got (more) annoyed and would start to go HAM on little old ladies who would beg me to “give” my husband a son.

Astor and I planned on having three kids (regardless of their sex) when we got married so when we were trying for baby #3, we were trying in earnest for a healthy child, who would listen and hopefully eat what I cooked for dinner and not necessarily be the next male heir to the throne.

Once we had two girls and a boy no one ever asked us again if we were going to have any more kids. In people’s minds it seemed that two girls and a boy should be enough and that it was time for my uterus to be decommissioned.

Now that I am pregnant with our fourth child, I hear no shortage of advice, recommendations and tips as to what having a family of six will be like. Some tips are actually helpful (start saving money for a great sitter who can watch the baby when you want to do things with your older kids) while other tips are downright rude (when you are on the table giving birth be sure to ask for a tubal ligation).

Contrary to popular belief, there is no perfect child (and while we are on this subject, please stop asking me via your Facebook status to vote for your child in the cutest baby alive contest, this really annoys me) , there is no perfect number of kids to have, and there certainly is no perfect gender to have. From zero kids to four girls or four boys or more, the perfect number of kids is the amount that you decide to have or not to have.

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Mompiphany #42: There Are Winners and There Are Losers

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We are somewhat of a sporty family. My husband played sports growing up and also played college football at the Naval Academy (if the kids and I ever doubt it, he is quick to pull out his highlight films). I also played sports when I was younger, and I make living a healthy, active life style a priority for our family. We don’t make our kids play sports, but we certainly encourage that they do and thankfully they all really like them.  Since they were each very young we have introduced them to a variety of sports, helping them to figure out what they enjoy the most.

As you all know, I have yet to meet a pep talk that I didn’t like. In fact, I have shared a couple of my pep talks with you before, so it should come as no surprise that I have one for their respective sports . Before the kids go off to their sporting events, I have an abridged version of a pep talk. I don’t like to interfere (too much) with the instruction that they receive from their coaches, but I always tell them to play hard, do their best, and to try and win.

GASP! When my kids play sports I actually tell them that they should try to win. I know that, in this day and age, I must seem like a horrible crazy mommy, but I actually think that part of playing sports is trying to win. I always laugh when I hear other parents tell their children that sports is just about having fun. Of course, fun should be a major component of sports, but isn’t it simply more fun when you win?

It seems like nowadays the voice of  being competitive has been stifled by all of this politically correct nonsense:  “Everyone wins!” “Everyone is the best!” “It doesn’t matter if you win or lose.”  Blah Blah Blah. While all of these catch phrases sound good in theory, I could not disagree with them more. In life, there are winners and there are losers. I always tell my kids you do not want to be a loser, and I am not just talking about sports when I say it. A loser to me is someone who doesn’t TRY to win. If you try to win and you have done your best then you can be proud of what you did. You are not necessarily the winner, but you have done a good job. If you don’t try to win or try to do your best, in my eyes that makes you a loser. I know it sounds harsh, but I usually tell them this with a warm smile on my face and I do cap it off with a high-five and a light tap on the derriere like any good coach would.

If my kids play to win — whether it be at sports or the game of life — I will be one super proud mommy. And, if one of them just so happens to make it pro, thanks me in one of their award acceptance speeches at the ESPYs, allows me and Astor to retire early and sets us up in the best possible nursing home, I will be even more proud. I mean, seriously, it is the least they could do to thank me for taking them to their practices every day, sitting outside in the rain, sleet and snow watching and cheering them on. And, let’s not even talk about the small sporting goods store that I could open in our basement with all of the equipment that we have purchased through the years.  Go Team Heaven!

Mompiphany #41: Things No Pregnant Woman Wants To Hear

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This is a picture of me one week before I gave birth to my son Miller, a little over 3 years ago.

I have been pregnant enough times to know that when you are pregnant there is NO shortage of advice, opinions and stories that people like to share with you, whether it be a close friend or the lady waiting next to you in line at Costco. With my first pregnancy, I usually remained mum when I got unsolicited advice. For example, nine years ago I was set (or so I thought) on having an epidural-free birth but lots and I do mean lots of women kept telling me that an epidural was the only way to go. I would patiently listen while these more vaginally-seasoned mothers would tell me that there is no way in hell I should go sans pain killers (ironically, I do now agree with their assessment). But, at the time, I would patiently listen, seething inside thinking how rude for anyone to project their situation on me.

Now, I am a wee bit more “vocal” when people say things that I think are a little insensitive when I am pregnant.  On several recent outings, I have had people say everything from “You must be having a girl because your nose has spread” to “Did I tell you about my friend who was in active labor for 32 hours and then had to have an emergency c-section but only after the doctors tried to use the forceps to pull the baby out?”

By far, the hardest information to hear when you are expecting are the stories about expectant mothers who find out devastating news about their baby’s health before they are born.  It is also heart wrenching hearing about moms who have to experience the death of their unborn child for some horrific reason.

Now, each of the above scenarios is very different but all of them will leave a pregnant woman very, very, very concerned. Concerned that in addition to her butt and thighs spreading and her patience spreading thin, that she should also be worried about being in labor for one full day and then having to have major surgery with the very horrible possibility that the baby she has been bonding with for the past 9 months may not survive. I am not saying that people should sugar coat things with mommies-to-be, but I will say that unless someone asks you for your opinion or your thoughts it is probably best to keep some information to yourself.

For example, if someone ASKED me, I would be more than willing to share that I did not get one single stretch mark until I was 9 months pregnant with my first child and that in one day tons of stretch marks erupted like Mount Vesuvius on my stomach. If someone ASKED me, I would share that after I had my second daughter I was so constipated that I could not go #2 for FIVE days and when I was finally able to “go” it looked like something out of The Exorcist. Of course, I would only share these true accounts of my experience if someone asked.

But, no one has ever asked me so I have never really felt the need to tell moms-to-be all of that information. Do you know what I say to pregnant women? I simply say: You look great. That is it. That is all. Now isn’t that a lot more pleasant than hearing about a stage 3 tear?

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Mompiphany #39: Celebrate The First Day Of School

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Party Hats

Have I mentioned lately how very excited I get about sending the kids off to school? I actually treat the first day of school like it is a holiday. I want the kids to value the importance of education and to be excited about going back to school each year. So, here are a couple of my favorite back to school activities that gets the kids as pumped up for school as I am:

- Breakfast of champions. The morning of the first day of school, I wake up early and make my kids a special breakfast of choice. Depending on their taste buds that moment, it has ranged from an egg, bacon, and cheese sandwich to homemade buttermilk pancakes (note: they actually like Aunt Jemima’s better than mine). This year the kids have asked for chocolate chip muffins, chocolate milk, fruit, yogurt, and bacon. I may as well indulge them in this sugary goodness of a meal because on the second day of school we will be back to steel cut oat meal and high fiber cereal.

- Lunch of choice. As you can see, food rules things around these parts, but because I have three lunches to make each day I told them that on this ONE day they could each pick whatever they want to eat for lunch. Going forward I will make one lunch “entree” a day that I know all the kids like and then the kids can pack their own fruit and snack of choice. I also pack notes and put them in the kids’ lunches. I try to pack a note every day during the school year. Some of them are uplifting: You are the best or There is no mountain too high for you to tackle. Others are a little more practical: If you don’t eat these organic grapes that cost me $9.99 per pound, I will be pissed. Because my son can’t read, his notes will be smiley faces and stickers.

- First Day of School Pics. I make sure that our camera is fully charged, and I like to take pictures of every moment of the morning. From the kids sleeping to them eating breakfast to them bickering about who forgot to put the milk away. This year I also printed cute “First Day Of” sheets that each child will be required to hold showing which grade they are going into.

- After school snack bonanza. I usually make brownies or homemade cookies. This year I am going to go Pintastic and I am going to make one of those elaborate looking rainbow cakes. I am going to have the kids help me on Sunday make the cakes and then I will frost and assemble it when they are in school.

- Back To School Gifts. I know… It is a little over the top but life around here is not all about threatening pep talks. I like to treat the kids to small gifts on the first day of school to let them know how proud of them we are and that when you do well at something you will be rewarded (not always necessarily by me and my wallet but doing well can be reward enough). The gifts we get are usually things that they have been asking for: Miller is getting a piggy bank, Mckinley more art supplies, and Marlee some chapter books she has been looking forward to reading.

- Back To School Night Note. Our back to school night happens at the beginning of September but when I attend BTS night I like to leave a hand written note in my child’s desk letting them know how amazing I think that they are and how proud of them we are.

Maybe it is because I have been home with the kids all summer or maybe it is because I am expecting baby #4 but there is not one part of me that is sad about the kids going to school. Of course, I am looking forward to a little more free time during the day, but I am mostly looking forward to seeing them grow and develop and really come into their own. All of my kids are so excited to be starting school, and I am happy to be able to share in that excitement with them.

Do you have any traditions or things that you do with your children to get them excited for school? I would love to hear them!

Mompiphany #37: Kids Clothes Are A Waste of Money

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Money

I honestly think that my DNA holds the match for a raging shopaholic. When my friends were playing with Barbies, riding their bikes or pretending to be Princess Leia, I was begging my Mom to go to TJ Maxx (her store of choice at the time) so that I could shop — and I don’t discriminate with my shopping. Even at a young age, I was happy to be shopping for housewares, toilet paper, clothes, holiday décor, etc. When I was older and moved to San Francisco by myself right after college, I used to shop so much that the security guards at the local mall knew me by name. Clearly I have/had a problem.

When I had kids I became even more crazy of a shopper. Having been a professional buyer, I knew when new lines would hit my favorite stores like Baby Gap, Mini Boden, and Janie and Jack, and I would be first in line to buy them. Of course, the kids did not need 1/10th of what I bought them, but I just really enjoyed shopping for them. Now, I am a little wiser and definitely a lot richer for drastically changing my shopping strategies when it comes to the kids.

So, that leads me to the major Mompiphany I had this summer: My middle daughter, Mckinley, is our resident fashionista. She is a chip off of the old shopping block, and while I love all of my kids the same, I love dressing her the most, because while she may just be 5, she has a true appreciation for fashionable dressing, ballet flats and accessories. Anyway, at the start of the summer I went shopping in Marlee’s hand-me-downs for Mckinley (something I do at the start of each season — Praise the Lord for same sex siblings), and I also added a little freshness to her wardrobe by purchasing a ton of cute sundresses from Nordstrom, Mini Boden, etc. But, do you know that this little girl ONLY wants to wear a dress/legging ensemble from Costco and a tanktop/tunic outfit from Target!?!? I try to suggest the adorable dresses that I spent a pretty penny on but she likes to rotate between these TWO outfits. AH-HA! Why on earth am I wasting my money buying all of these clothes when truth be told there are only a few things that my kids really want to wear.

My oldest daughter is content to live in athletic apparel, yoga pants and plaid shirts and my son has yet to meet a graphic tee or pair of track pants that he didn’t like. So, I have drastically, and I do mean drastically, cut back on the amount of clothes that I buy the kids. My husband, who is the straight up debit card policeman, even recently commented on how great I have been at spending less money on their clothes.

Little did he know it was so that I could spend a little bit more on this watch that I have been eying……

Mompiphany #36: Understanding The 8 Year Old Girl

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English: Lightbulb. Linguistic teaching tool

Sometimes I am seriously confused by my 8 year old daughter. One of the reasons I was so excited when I had my daughter almost 9 years ago was that I am a girl, I love being a girl and I love the bond that daughters and mothers can have. Never did I think that I would be confused as all get out by my pre-pubescent daughter. She gets upset, and I listen and I try to understand what is upsetting her. But, truth be told, I don’t really understand, not even in the least.

The other day she came home with a major ‘tude from camp. Now I will say that all children are different but this child is gifted and talented in popping an attitude like nobody’s business. I usually just “gently” let her know that if there is something wrong she should let me know but that I cannot, will not let her funk drag down the whole family dynamic. So, anyway, the other day she came home with a serious attitude and burst into tears because she was hungry. Huh? I am like well, do I need to pack you more for lunch? Do you need to eat a bigger, heartier breakfast?

Marlee (hysterical): “I don’t know I am just always hungry.” At this point I am seriously confused. Is she really hungry? Is hungry some sort of code for some sort of hormonal imbalance that is happening? I felt like such an outsider. I knew something was wrong but had no idea how to fix it and really no idea how to proceed. Internally, my confusion started turning to annoyance. What I wanted to say was: “I mean really!! What the HELL is wrong?! If you are hungry than EAT. In fact you turned your nose up at dinner last night, so I don’t actually feel the slightest bit sorry that you are hungry now when you shunned the tasty baked cod, brown rice and steamed broccoli that I made.” But, instead of saying any of that (out loud) I said, “You know what? I don’t like being hungry either. Let’s make sure that we pack a little more for your lunch and if you are hungry during the day you can always get healthy stuff like fruit (which I keep on the counter) and let’s see how that works.” She shrugged (which I interpreted as a smile) and went back to being “herself.”

In that moment I had a major Mompiphany: It doesn’t matter if you are 8, 16, or 36, sometimes you just want someone to listen to you and at least pretend like they understand and get it (even if they really don’t). I have been (on occasion) known to get annoyed when I am venting to my husband and instead of listening to me and commiserating with me he starts trying to tell me why I should be promoted to conductor on my crazy train. I get so annoyed that he doesn’t see my point and just agree with me.

Last night, I GOT my daughter, and she and I were both happier for it. See?! Isn’t being a girl and having a girl just grand?! (said with mild sarcasm)

Mompiphany #35: Pregnancy Scare

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I recently had a pregnancy scare. It sounds almost comical to write that. I am 36 and have been married for 10 years. My husband and I own a nice-sized home, we have a mini- van (clearly the vehicle of choice for Moms who have realized after their third time pooping on the delivery table that there really is no more practical car for a large family), we have a Costco membership and are able to provide healthy meals and snacks for our family. We have enough love, medical insurance, and patience to care for our family no matter what size it is. Yet, when I thought that I could be pregnant I was scared. Like, broke out in a cold sweat, saw my care-free days filled with 3 kids in school pass right before my eyes. I totally empathize with all of the girls on 16 and pregnant (although they look like they took the news of their pregnancies a lot better than I did.)

I took a pregnancy test and before I even checked the results some FIVE days later, I knew what the result would be: POSITIVE. I am positively pregnant with our fourth child. I, of course, had publicly declared to anyone who would listen that we were done having kids. I even gave away all of my maternity and baby related things (oh.. and to all of my friends to whom I have given my things, I will be needing EVERYTHING back. Thanks in advance!). I swore that the only way to justify having more than three kids was to live on a farm, which we don’t.

My husband took the news of our expanding family much better than I did. “Oh this is great. It will be great. Big families are great.” Of course, I know that it will be great… eventually when the baby is sleeping through the night but I worry. I worry if I have enough to give a 4th child. I wonder if my breasts can even produce milk anymore given the fact that they are virtually nonexistent after nursing three kids. I worry that my husband and I will be prisoners in our own home once the children realize that there are strength in numbers. I worry that I will have to go to jail for cutting someone who snidely says “WOW” or “God bless you!!!” and looks at us like zoo animals as we get out of our clown car.

But even with all of that worry, one thing is not changing: I am 3.5 months pregnant (and by the way– when you are having your 4th child, you automatically look like you are in your last trimester almost immediately after having relations) and at the beginning of next year we will be blessed with another child.  We will be a family of six. YOWZER!! It should make for a very interesting ride with lots of Mompiphanies. Hopefully, I will have enough time and wherewithal to write about them!