Tag Archives: Mommy

Mompiphany #29: The Pep Talk

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A pair of cheerleading pom-pons

When I take all three of my kids out in public, people often stop us and comment on how well behaved my kids are. I always smile and politely say, “thank you” while lovingly glancing at my precious little cherubs. Little do our admirers know that before I even think about leaving the house with my three crazies, I always have what I affectionately call “the pep talk.”

I am comfortable taking my kids pretty much anywhere: the zoo, plays, movies, parks, festivals, museums, the mall, the grocery store, the gynecologist, etc. For me, it is nothing to marvel at. I know that my husband’s schedule is demanding, and I like to make sure that the kids are as busy as possible so when we want to get up and go somewhere the fact that I often have to take all three of my kids by myself does not slow me down in the least. I owe all of this confidence to the pep talk. Like any good team captain, it is imperative to have plays in line that will ensure a winning outcome.

The pep talk usually starts out like this: Do I need to remind anyone of how we need to act when we are in public today??? To which they all begrudgingly say, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.” I ignore their tone and begin my rousing, motivational speech (SIDE NOTE: I am all about rousing, having been a varsity cheerleader in high school.):

“If anyone runs off without asking me, we will go home. If anyone pees their pants (MILLER!!) because they are too busy to stop to use the bathroom, we will go home. If anyone complains about the (healthy) snacks that Mommy has packed for this outing, you will be subjected to water and fruit for the duration of our excursion to [fill in blank place]. If you whine or cry about the fact that I will not buy any crap from any souvenir shops, you will have to donate your most coveted toy to the Salvation Army when we get home. If you fight with one another, you will have to do a public kissing and hugging session with the other offending party for at least 5 minutes, regardless of who is watching and where we are (the 8 year old particularly loves that one.) If you embarrass our family name in anyway, we will never, ever leave our house again.”

The pep talk always ends with a cheerful, “Now let’s go out and have some fun! Go Team Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Works like a charm I tell ya!

Mompiphany #28: Overuse Of The Word Mom

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As much as I love being a mother, sometimes I absolutely hate hearing my name: Mom, Mommy, Moooooooooooom!!! All. Day. Long. When I was a child, I remember getting into trouble for saying my own mother’s name too much. “If one more person says my name [fill in a threat of violence],” my mom would threaten my sister and me. Now I know exactly how she felt because the incessant calling of “mom” can be very annoying. I know that being a mom is privilege that not everyone can enjoy, but I also know that even June Cleaver would go postal if her own children called her name as often as mine do.

My 3 year old son is the biggest culprit of overuse. From the time he wakes up to the time he goes to bed he is saying, yelling, whispering, whining, and repeating my name. Maybe it would not be as grating if he simply said my name in a pleasant fashion, something like “Mom, I love you and while you may not be happy with the way your bathing suit looks right now, I think that you look like you did in the high school yearbook that you keep making us look at.” Instead, he yells it, whines it, screams it, even when he doesn’t have to, e.g., when I am sitting on the couch RIGHT next to him, he will yell, “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” Sometimes it is followed by an adorable pause and an “I love you,” but most of the time, “MOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!” is followed by another yelling of my name with some sort of request or declaration, like “I am hungry,” “I am tired,” “Mckinley is bothering me,” “I have to poop,” “I just pooped,” “I miss Daddy” – you get the point.

I feel horrible for thinking this or even writing it but if I hear my name yelled one more time I may lose it. I have threatened my kids that if they scream/whine/yell my name like that I won’t answer and I will put the offender in time out. But, my threats are ignored. (This is probably because they can’t hear me and are too busy yelling my name.) And, I do not blame my kids for picking up this annoying habit; I blame that annoying cartoon, Phineas and Ferb (which is now banned at my house.)  The way the teenage character, Candace, whines “Moooooooooooooooooom” is enough to make you want to scream.

Is there anything that your kids do that make you want to holler? Please tell me I am not the only one.

Mompiphany #7: Shut The Gush Up

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Do you ever have an uneasy feeling when you are around a certain type of person? The person is nice enough, doesn’t appear to be a mass murderer, smells pleasant enough, and even likes the same turkey meatballs from Trader Joe’s that you do.  But, there is just something about them that is a little unsettling.  I feel this way about “gushy moms.”  Gushy moms are those mothers who can only gush about every little thing their child does.

I see them at the park, gushing over their child’s every movement. Gushing about how high little Bobby can swing.  Gushing about how clever little Suzie is at playing in the sand box.  Gushing about how little Cameron is surely going to be in the 2020 Summer Olympics given her incredible running speed.  I sit back quietly with my shades on watching my own kids play (thankful that they are beyond the age when I have to actually get on the jungle gym with them), listening to them gush, and I want to yell, “Shut the GUSH up!”

Some of my “friends” on Facebook are “gushers.”  One Facebook friend uses her status updates and photo captions to gush over how much she loves motherhood and how cute her child is:  “I looooooooooooooove being a Mommy.” “Isn’t he the cutest?!”  “Being a Mommy is the best, I loooooooooooooooooooooove it.”  It goes on and on. Does everything have to be a gush? And if your life is so gush-worthy (and maybe some lives just are), one has to wonder is there ever a moment when your child is not the cutest and may even be a little annoying (like his Mom?).

When I had one child (and a lot more time on my hands), I will admit that I could be prone to gushing.  But, now that I see how freaking annoying it is, I apologize for my prior ways. As moms, it is easy to become consumed with every little thing your kid does.  Trust me I get it. I am my kids’ number one cheerleader.  But, this business of gushing over every little thing  your child does has got to stop.

Don’t get me wrong, praising kids, helping to boost their confidence and making them feel good about themselves are things that I think all parents should do.  But, when a parent gushes about every little thing her child does, I think it lessens some of the child’s bigger accomplishments. Gushing about little William’s love of avocados, gushing about Sammie’s first poop on the potty, gushing about Billy Jr.’s ability to count to 5…be proud, be happy, dole out some praise but please shut the gush up!