Tag Archives: Housewife

Mompiphany #45: The Mommy End-Of-Year Review (And Raise)

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Money

My husband recently received a promotion at work. While I could not be more proud of him, I realized that, at jobs around the world, dutiful employees are gearing up for end-of-year reviews, celebrating promotions, and looking forward to the bounty of bonuses and raises. So I started thinking: It is a crop of bull@#$% that stay-at-home moms don’t get reviews, promotions or raises. Like seriously…. everyone I know agrees with me when I angrily state that being a stay-at-home mom is the hardest job ever and while we do get paid in love, hugs and projectile vomit, we are not exactly making the Fortune 500 bucks when you work at a job where you do not get compensated with actual money. So, I told my husband that I plan to put some time on his calendar to go over my job performance and talk about a promotion and wage increase (and I am not kidding in the least).

I have graded myself on a few things: Are all of the kids accounted for? Is the house somewhat intact? Does everyone at least have clean underwear (if nothing else) to wear? Are the meals edible? On all of my job responsibilities I feel that I have exceeded expectations and in some cases have gone above and beyond the scope of my job. I mean really…. just because I am a stay-at-home mom does that really mean I need to be the one to stay-at-home for Every.Single.Solitary repairman that comes?

And, since I started this gig, I have not taken a true vacation. And, even though Tuesday is my self-appointed “day off,” inevitably someone’s bottom needs to be wiped, someone’s lunch needs to be made, and someone’s homework has been left on the counter requiring me to bring it to them at school. I have assumed my role as a stay-at-home with a fair amount of grace and a slight amount of red-in-the-face screaming, but through it all, I have never given up, looked for a new job or thought about adding a very strong laxative in my boss’s dinner when he suggests that I am being a little too hard on the kids when I tell them to put their dirty clothes IN their hampers.

So, yes, my husband received a promotion, but I think we all know that if I did not do my job, there is no way that he could successfully do his.

And, regardless of what my husband grades me, I know that I am doing the best that I can so I hereby give myself a promotion, a bonus and a raise.

Here’s to upward mobility!

Mompiphany #40: My Sincerest Apologies for Being Busy (And for Judging)

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I want to apologize for being missing in action. I have all but fallen off of the proverbial blogsophere earth. I feel like a walking cliché, but I have been busy. I have been at home full time for about six months now and my perception of stay at home moms has totally changed.

When I first started staying home I figured I would be “busy” but I really didn’t know how busy I would be. We (speaking for working moms) have all been around THOSE stay at home moms who always profess to be so, so, so busy. I, for one, used to get quite annoyed with them. Seeing them at the gym complaining on the treadmill how busy their day was going to be. Emailing them to schedule play dates and hearing them spew out obscure dates and times because they were so busy. I used to get really annoyed. What the heck were they busy doing?! I guess that I never really understood how someone who “only” had one job (staying at home) could be so busy, especially since as a working mom I had two jobs (and yes, in my head, I felt that on a busy scale a working mom would always trump a stay at home mom in terms of how busy we were).

Of course, I despise the whole Mommy War debate, and I do (and did) think that all moms work, but when I was working outside of the home, I felt that working moms had a slight leg up on the busy scale.

But, can I just say that I, Marquette Heaven, am a stay at home mom, and I am busy. I hate to even say it because I know how obnoxious it can sound. I know I am fortunate to be able to stay at home, but I also know that I am busy. I am busy doing stuff — so busy that I try to think about how it would be to work outside the home again and I don’t even think I would have time. I have found that staying at home is nonstop. I knew that it would be but it is demonstrated every day. My type A personality is probably not best suited for this career change hence why I am so busy. I have been busy doing things that I never had time to do before, and a lot of it I will admit are nice to dos and not necessarily need to dos. I make hot breakfasts for my family every morning. I clean the house from top to bottom every day. I volunteer at the kids’ schools. I step up to help out more for the kids’ activities. I make healthy meals for dinner. I actually go to the doctor for myself the moment I feel sick. I organize parts of my house that I forgot even existed. I help the kids’ with their homework. I make sure that I get in a few precious minutes of exercise each day, etc.

I feel horrible for ever, ever, ever judging other moms — those who work outside of the home, those who stay at home, those who let their daughters wear princess tutus every day, even those who forget to scream at their kids to sneeze into their sleeve (ok maybe I don’t forgive THOSE moms), because no matter how you Mother, Mothering redefines the term “busy work”.

 

Mompiphany #24: Messing Up The Kitchen Might Get You Cut

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English: Picture of three sponges Deutsch: Fot...

When I first started staying home, I wondered if we really needed our cleaning lady anymore. Instead of holding down a full time job and shuttling all of the kids to their bazillion activities and the like, I was now the Chief Operating Officer of our household (as well as the resident neat police) and I figured that I would be able to maintain the cleanliness of our home. I like to pride myself on being neat and organized, so I figured that I could (and should) take on the role of cleaning lady. I planned to assume all of the duties of a stay at home mom and cleaning, of course, is at the top of the list.

I called our cleaning lady and told her that I would like her to come just once a month (hey… baby steps! we have had a cleaning lady for the last 9 years so I needed to take it slow) and that I would be able to handle all of the cleaning outside of that. For that first month, I cleaned every day, around the clock. I was a sweeping mad woman. I scrubbed toilets every day and wiped down counters. I also straightened beds, swiffer-jetted floors, folded laundry – you get the point. I was doing all of this cleaning but our house never really felt or looked clean. And, because I was doing all of this work, I was a royal pain in everyone’s butt. Mess up the kitchen that just took me 4 hours to clean? You might get cut. Pee on the floor in the bathroom that I just scrubbed? Are you out of your mind?

I was so annoying to my family with my new proprietary ownership of all things clean in the house that I would literally suck the life out of any room that I entered. If the kids went to bed and left toothpaste spit in the sink, I would stand outside their rooms seriously contemplating waking them up just to clean it. If my husband left his shoes out, I would angrily throw them into the closet with the force of a javelin thrower at the Olympics. If my kids or husband didn’t rinse their respective bowls and put them in the sink, I would feel tears well up in my eyes while I muttered that nobody appreciates me. Crazy, right?

Now I know that a lot of people can’t afford the luxury of a cleaning lady, but if you can afford it, I suggest that you get one, like for real. Is cleaning the house hard in and of itself? Not really but it is time consuming. and when you have 4 other messy people living in your house it can make you feel like a gerbil in one of those hamster cages.

After trying this cleaning experiment for a month, I am happy to report that we are back to having our lovely cleaning lady come every other week, and I am in a happier place for it (and I suspect my kids and husband are happier for it too). Having a cleaning lady is certainly an extra expense and I realize that so I have decided to make sacrifices in other areas. I will become an extreme couponing expert. I also plan to go longer a period of time before paying to maintain my eyebrows. I have started growing herbs in our yard, and I am even willing to do my own bikini wax (gulp!). But our cleaning lady is the one budget line item that must stay, for the sake of all involved. I am thinking that having a cleaning lady is a lot less expensive than paying the monthly fee to have me committed to the nearest mental hospital.

Mompiphany #16: Stay At Home Moms Have More Sex

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I recently suggested to my husband that we sit down and seriously discuss what my roles and responsibilities will be as a stay at home mom. I was very curious to know what his expectations would be.

In lieu of my past quick and easy pasta bake, will he now be expecting homemade pasta with fresh tomatoes from a garden that I have grown myself?

Will he request that his clothes be washed, folded and put away properly as opposed to how I now wash all clothes (regardless of color) in one load and then shove them in any open crevice on his side of the closet?

While it was clear within a few minutes of our conversation that other than me not screaming at the kids in the morning that I was going to be late for work, not a whole lot would be changing from what I was doing when I worked outside of the home.  Although, it seems as though my dear husband seems to think that I will have a lot more time for, sex.

Now, I have polled many of my stay at home mommy friends and all of them told me explicitly what they do, do more of:  referring, cooking, cleaning, playdate scheduling, volunteering, penny pinching, bargain hunting, pinteresting, couponing, crying in the fetal position, shopping, wine drinking, dolling out bandaids, etc. and not one of them ever mentioned that they were having more sex as a result of being a stay at home mom, although some of them did say that they are thinking a lot more about sex because they are reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

After working the 24 hour shift (what I affectionately call being a stay at home mom), I can honestly say that at the end of my day I am tired and drained and sex is not really at the top of my mind.  Although, I suppose I am open to having more relations, maybe I can schedule some time do it on my day off?

Mompiphany #15: Stay Out Of The House Mom

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There has to be a better name for my job because the title stay at home mom could not be any further from the truth. My kids are 8, 5, and 3, and if given the chance to stay home or to climb Mountain Kilmanjaro bare foot while carrying all three of my children without being able to drink a single drop of water, guess what I am going to choose?  Yeah, Kilmanjaro, here I come!My youngest kids go to preschool part time, which means that for half of the week they are at “home” with me, and I use that word “home” very, very loosely.  If I can, I actually avoid being in the house with them at all. I plan outings, events, play dates, park excursions, outdoor play, etc. I will pretty much do anything, and I do mean anything, to avoid actually being in the house with my kids.  I love both my house and my kids, which is why this arrangement works so well.

I have found that staying in the house when you are a stay at home mom  leads to monotonous days filled with daytime television, assembly lines of laundry folding, sweeping at the drop of a crumb, and researching three ingredient casseroles online.  That is no way for me or my kids to live, so I am at the other extreme.  Our days are filled to the brim with activities so that we are rarely at home, and when we do go home, it is usually a quick pit stop to grab lunch and have my 3-year old take a quick nap.  During this time, I am as productive as I can possibly be, making dinner, cleaning a good majority of the house, returning a few phone calls, and doing a couple of loads of laundry in about an hour and a half until nap time is over and my oldest daughter comes home from school and then it is time for all of our after school activities.I have seen the schedules of some of my other stay at home mommy friends and it seems like the more you are out of the home the better it is for everyone.

That is why I propose changing our title to stay out of the house moms.  If you’re a stay at home mom, are you in the same boat as me, planning activities to keep you and your kids out of the house, or do you prefer to stay home with them?

Mompiphany #6: All Moms Work

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Why is this even a topic of discussion anymore? I mean seriously. Being a stay at home mom is a job. PERIOD. Although watching Hilary Rosen put her judgmental (although lovely I am sure) heels in her mouth is amusing, what is not amusing is the fact that there are still a lot of people who don’t value the role of a stay at home mom. And before I was one, I admit that I would perhaps downplay how much work a mom actually does on a day-to-day basis. I assumed that moms who stay at home have enough time to cook dinner every night, keep the house spotless, volunteer at their kids’ school, make homemade Halloween costumes, and be energetic enough to cap the night off with relations with their husband.  But, I can tell you that this is the farthest thing from the truth.

As a stay at home mom, my days are consumed with cooking, cleaning, straightening, errands, and the like, and that is just a small part of my day because I haven’t even gotten to the actual mothering part. When the kids are home, I am a tutor, a cheerleader, a chauffeur, a disciplinarian, a baker, a scientist, a cruise director, a podiatrist, a hair dresser, a family therapist, and so much more.  Last week, when I had a bout of diarrhea (sorry if that is a little too much information), I could not take a sick day from work.  I still had to be a mother to my children. And maybe it is just my kids, but they could care less that Mommy is sick; they still wanted to go on a bike ride and make the brownies that I promised them we would make.  As a stay at home mom, you don’t get sick days.  There is no financial compensation, and often times there is no acknowledgment of the sacrifices and work that go into the job.  Hilary Rosen’s comments illustrate that.

Enough with the Mommy Wars. Whether a Mom chooses (and for some Moms it is not a choice) to work outside of the home or to work inside of the home, it is her business. One type of Mom is not more hard working than another type. Being a Mom is hard work.

If all Mommies would just unite, can you imagine what a force we would be to reckon with? ROAR!

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Mompiphany #2: Spring Break Is The Devil

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I hate spring break. There. I said it. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. Wow, I feel like a weight has been lifted.  And, while I am in the confessing mood, I actually hate any prolonged period of time when my kids are at home with me — and yes, I do know that sounds a wee bit ironic given that I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom.

I see my friend’s Facebook updates, and I actually feel guilty for hating spring break so much.   Apparently, everyone else loves spring break. They love not having to rush to get out the door in the morning, not having anywhere to be at a particular time, not having homework to check, not having activities to taxi the kids to and from.  For me, spring break is a week when I feel the need to overcompensate for the fact that we are all home together.  And by “we,” I mean me and the kids because my hard-working husband usually can’t take the week off from work.

So my “spring break” means me taking the kids to the museums. Me taking the kids to the library. Me taking the kids to the germ-infested open bounce. Me taking the kids on hikes. Me locking the front and back doors and telling the kids that they are not allowed to come in the house while the sun is shining.  Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. I literally plan things for the kids to do every day, all day because I know what the alternative would be.  The alternative would be me and the kids in the house all day with bickering, yelling, and fighting.  The kids would be begging me to watch television, asking me if they can eat snacks all day, and messing up the house that I obsessively try to keep neat and clean.

Instead, here we are into day 3 of our 11 day (including the weekends) “spring break,” and I am already exhausted and at my wit’s end.

Don’t be alarmed if you see a “for sale” sign outside of our house next week.  It just means that I have done some research in between all of those “spring break” activities and found a place to live that I will describe as heaven on earth, i.e., where there is school year round.

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Mompiphany #1: The Grass Is Always Greener

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Right after I had my oldest daughter, I vividly remember crying in the fetal position, begging my husband (who was in law school at the time) to please, please find some way, anyway, to make it possible for me to stay home with her.  I was willing to sell all of our worldly possessions, including my coveted Louis Vuitton bag, and even throw in a few bottles of liquid gold, breast milk, to be able to stay home with my sweet, darling first born.

At that time, staying home was not even an option given that my husband was in school and my penchant for power shopping at Baby Gap.

Fast forward 8 years, and 2 more kids later. I am knocking at the door of finally being able to stay at home with my children.  After juggling a career and a family for the past ten years, I have been given the opportunity (read: was laid off) and I can now stay at home with the kids.

I dreamed about this for so long so why am terrified at the prospect of being home 24/7 with my kids?   Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that it is even an option for me to be able to stay home.  In my dreams, I spend quality time with the kids (without thinking about work), create innovating ways to make mac and cheese, nuggets and fries, while meeting my husband at the door with a perky, “Honey, how was your day?”

But I suspect the reality of my new life may be less than ideal.  What is probably lurking behind door #1 is the kids bickering all day, every day.  I will be screaming that they need to put their things away; my husband will be grilling me if it was really necessary for me to add grilled chicken (an additional expense) to the lunch that we ate out, and the only thing that will be perky about me is the way I toss all three kids into their bed at night (sans a bath or a bed time story) because Mommy just got off of a 24 hour shift.

Here we go, new life.  I got this.  Gulp!

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