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Mompiphany #16: Stay At Home Moms Have More Sex

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I recently suggested to my husband that we sit down and seriously discuss what my roles and responsibilities will be as a stay at home mom. I was very curious to know what his expectations would be.

In lieu of my past quick and easy pasta bake, will he now be expecting homemade pasta with fresh tomatoes from a garden that I have grown myself?

Will he request that his clothes be washed, folded and put away properly as opposed to how I now wash all clothes (regardless of color) in one load and then shove them in any open crevice on his side of the closet?

While it was clear within a few minutes of our conversation that other than me not screaming at the kids in the morning that I was going to be late for work, not a whole lot would be changing from what I was doing when I worked outside of the home.  Although, it seems as though my dear husband seems to think that I will have a lot more time for, sex.

Now, I have polled many of my stay at home mommy friends and all of them told me explicitly what they do, do more of:  referring, cooking, cleaning, playdate scheduling, volunteering, penny pinching, bargain hunting, pinteresting, couponing, crying in the fetal position, shopping, wine drinking, dolling out bandaids, etc. and not one of them ever mentioned that they were having more sex as a result of being a stay at home mom, although some of them did say that they are thinking a lot more about sex because they are reading “Fifty Shades of Grey.”

After working the 24 hour shift (what I affectionately call being a stay at home mom), I can honestly say that at the end of my day I am tired and drained and sex is not really at the top of my mind.  Although, I suppose I am open to having more relations, maybe I can schedule some time do it on my day off?

Momessentials: Mommy Jeans? Bad. Mommy Necklaces? Good.

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Mother’s Day is coming up, and I can’t think of a better Mother’s Day gift than a Mommy necklace. Before you start envisioning a sterling silver necklace with a charm of a Mother cradling a baby pearl, think again.  The new and improved Mommy necklaces are so adorable that they may make you want to have more kids just to get one.

I got my Mommy necklace from Stella and Dot, and it is a staple in my wardrobe.  Having a Mommy necklace like driving a mini van or being in the PTA; it gets a bad rap, but once you get used to it, it is the best thing ever.  Mommy necklaces don’t have to look outdated.  In fact, the mommy necklaces I have seen lately are bold, fresh, and chic. Here are a few of my favorites:

Stella & Dot Charm Necklace

I was first introduced to Stella & Dot a couple of years ago, and I am glad that I was.  My Mommy necklace is a staple in my wardrobe, with its simple neck chain and delicate charms.  My necklace has my kids’ initials (lucky for me they all share the same initial so I only needed to buy one), their birthstones, and my husband’s initial.

Max & Chloe Monogram Necklace

Despite the fact that I have seen a few of the “Real Housewives” rocking this necklace, I still love it. I am a sucker for anything monogramed, and I love the fact that this Mommy necklace is bold and a little whimsical.

 

Mommy Dog Tags

Let’s be honest.  While some moms like to portray the entrance intro Motherhood as something magical befitting a stork, most of us know the real deal: motherhood involves excruciating pain.  Pain in places that you didn’t know existed, pain that would make you want to slap your own Mother. And after all of this pain, comes what I refer to as the aftermath: hemorrhoids, engorged breasts, uterine cramps, and of course, the icing on the cake is a perfect baby who will not go to sleep.  Motherhood can be like a battle, and you are the General.   So, why not wear some Mommy dog tags?

 

What do you think? Do you wear something everyday that shows your connection to your family? Let me know below!

Mompiphany #6: All Moms Work

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Why is this even a topic of discussion anymore? I mean seriously. Being a stay at home mom is a job. PERIOD. Although watching Hilary Rosen put her judgmental (although lovely I am sure) heels in her mouth is amusing, what is not amusing is the fact that there are still a lot of people who don’t value the role of a stay at home mom. And before I was one, I admit that I would perhaps downplay how much work a mom actually does on a day-to-day basis. I assumed that moms who stay at home have enough time to cook dinner every night, keep the house spotless, volunteer at their kids’ school, make homemade Halloween costumes, and be energetic enough to cap the night off with relations with their husband.  But, I can tell you that this is the farthest thing from the truth.

As a stay at home mom, my days are consumed with cooking, cleaning, straightening, errands, and the like, and that is just a small part of my day because I haven’t even gotten to the actual mothering part. When the kids are home, I am a tutor, a cheerleader, a chauffeur, a disciplinarian, a baker, a scientist, a cruise director, a podiatrist, a hair dresser, a family therapist, and so much more.  Last week, when I had a bout of diarrhea (sorry if that is a little too much information), I could not take a sick day from work.  I still had to be a mother to my children. And maybe it is just my kids, but they could care less that Mommy is sick; they still wanted to go on a bike ride and make the brownies that I promised them we would make.  As a stay at home mom, you don’t get sick days.  There is no financial compensation, and often times there is no acknowledgment of the sacrifices and work that go into the job.  Hilary Rosen’s comments illustrate that.

Enough with the Mommy Wars. Whether a Mom chooses (and for some Moms it is not a choice) to work outside of the home or to work inside of the home, it is her business. One type of Mom is not more hard working than another type. Being a Mom is hard work.

If all Mommies would just unite, can you imagine what a force we would be to reckon with? ROAR!

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Mompiphany #5: I Am Here, But Not Really

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I have noticed lately that as much as I pride myself on being there for my kids,
most of the time I am not truly present.  Now that I stay at home, I am with my
kids a lot more, especially since my 5 and 3 year old are now in preschool
part-time. When I worked outside of the home, I swore that when I was a stay at
home mom I would be more present because I wouldn’t feel tugged in so many
directions, e.g., work, kids, husband, etc.

But now that I am home with my kids, I find myself creeping over to the computer
to see what is going on with other people’s kids on Facebook when my own kids
are playing tug of war with an open container of bubbles.  I find myself
watching a movie with my kids but instead of sitting down to actually watch the
movie with them, I turn the movie on, make enough popcorn to keep them busy for
a few minutes, and then putter around the kitchen sweeping for the umpteenth
time, instead of just sitting with them and enjoying the show.

I incessantly take pictures when we are in the house, at the park, at the zoo,
on vacation, etc.   But, I am so busy taking pictures of the memories we are
making that I don’t have time to participate in making the memories.

What I am starting to realize is that just because you are home more does not
mean that you are really home (and Lord knows that when my kids start bickering
or someone asks me to help wipe their butt home is the last place that I want to
be).

So, in this “aha!” moment, like only a true type A person like myself can do, I have decided
to add to my to-do list.  I, Marquette Heaven, am vowing to be more
present when I am spending time with my kids.

I am going to try to stop and smell the roses.  I can’t promise, however, that
after I smell the roses, I won’t clean any finger print smudges off of the vase,
reposition them, and clean off the table.

Baby steps, baby steps……

 

Mompiphany #4: All Kids Have A Favorite Parent

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My kids have a favorite parent and it is definitely not me.  My husband in a
landslide vote wins that sacred title.  When he is away on business trips they
always ask when he is coming back.  When he pulls out of the driveway in the
morning they longingly look out the window for minutes after he is gone. My
oldest even wistfully says that she wishes that Daddy could be the one to stay
at home and gently suggests that I be the one to have a demanding job outside of
the house.

I used to be irritated by this blatant showing of favoritism.  I mean don’t they
know that I am the one who pushed for over two hours during each of their births
to deliver their 8 pound selves?  Don’t they know that I was the one who used to
have a taut tummy, but is now banished to tankinis?  Don’t they know that I am
the one who nursed each of them for a year and now have breasts that rival the
California raisins as result of giving them what I affectionately coined,
“Mama’s milkshake”? Don’t they know that I am the one who painstakingly cooks,
cleans, checks homework, reminds them to brush their teeth, put lotion on, etc?
Um, clearly they do, because that is why I am the least favorite parent.

Fruit snacks for all!

 

Mompiphany #3: The Haves And The Have Nots

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We live in a great suburb outside of DC. When we were in the process of looking for our current home, we had a pretty comprehensive list of “must haves”: good schools, nice neighborhood, close proximity to Costco, nearby parks — you know, the important stuff.

While living in a nice neighborhood, certainly has its privileges, there are some drawbacks. Apparently living in a nice neighborhood gives the kids expectations. Now, I will say, that for the most part, my kids are grateful for the things that they get but I am starting to see little peaks of entitlement/jealously here and there.

My oldest daughter will come home from school and wistfully announce that Friend X is going on a Costa Rican monkey hunting excursion for spring break. My middle child will yearningly look at the high heels of a friends’ mother and proclaim, “When I am an adult, I want to wear shoes like that.” Even the three-year old gets in on the action, looking at my phone disdainfully and asking, “Can you get an iPhone?”

So it appears that, regardless of all of the amazing things we expose our kids to, and all of the many sacrifices that we make (I would much prefer to get a tummy tuck than to save for three college educations), the kids seem to think that they are missing out on the best that life has to offer. No Costa Rican excursions, no expensive high heels, and no iPhone.

I tell them that the grass is always greener on the other side, not to covet other people’s things, and to be thankful for what they have. I let them know that some kids don’t eat well-balanced meals every day, participate in sporting events, or get to go on summer vacations like they do. Of course, all of this falls on deaf ears. At the end of the day, the best advice I can offer them is that they should make friends with the kids who are hunting monkeys in the Amazon with their high heel wearing, iPhone having mamas because those are the kids who will have the nicest cars in high school.

I am just sayin’.

First Day On The Job

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My first full day on the job as a stay at home mom and I feel as though I have been jumped into a  gang.  Of course, I have spent plenty of time with my kids in the past, but in the back of my mind I always knew that come Monday it would be party time for Mommy as I ship the kids off to school and sprint into the office where I can eat my breakfast in peace, not have anyone knock on the door of the bathroom telling me that they can’t do something and I can intermittently catch up on celebrity gossip.

On our first day out I figured that a wholesome family outing to the National Zoo would be the perfect outing to take the edge off. The kids would be happily entertained, we would all get some exercise and fresh air while simultaneously ensuring that everyone would be tired enough for naps by the end of the outing.  I was wrong.   After 4 hours at the zoo, in the cold, the only one tired was me.  I swear these kids have super powers.  And, of course, when my husband finally came home from work, the kids were still energized and so happy to see Daddy, and I looked like death warmed over.

I know that with all jobs there is a learning curve, so I definitely won’t be too hard on myself. The kids did have a great time and kept thanking me for taking them to the zoo.  At least my new employers seem to give immediate feedback, which I can’t say for all of my past jobs!

Mompiphany #2: Spring Break Is The Devil

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I hate spring break. There. I said it. I hate it, hate it, hate it, hate it. Wow, I feel like a weight has been lifted.  And, while I am in the confessing mood, I actually hate any prolonged period of time when my kids are at home with me — and yes, I do know that sounds a wee bit ironic given that I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom.

I see my friend’s Facebook updates, and I actually feel guilty for hating spring break so much.   Apparently, everyone else loves spring break. They love not having to rush to get out the door in the morning, not having anywhere to be at a particular time, not having homework to check, not having activities to taxi the kids to and from.  For me, spring break is a week when I feel the need to overcompensate for the fact that we are all home together.  And by “we,” I mean me and the kids because my hard-working husband usually can’t take the week off from work.

So my “spring break” means me taking the kids to the museums. Me taking the kids to the library. Me taking the kids to the germ-infested open bounce. Me taking the kids on hikes. Me locking the front and back doors and telling the kids that they are not allowed to come in the house while the sun is shining.  Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. I literally plan things for the kids to do every day, all day because I know what the alternative would be.  The alternative would be me and the kids in the house all day with bickering, yelling, and fighting.  The kids would be begging me to watch television, asking me if they can eat snacks all day, and messing up the house that I obsessively try to keep neat and clean.

Instead, here we are into day 3 of our 11 day (including the weekends) “spring break,” and I am already exhausted and at my wit’s end.

Don’t be alarmed if you see a “for sale” sign outside of our house next week.  It just means that I have done some research in between all of those “spring break” activities and found a place to live that I will describe as heaven on earth, i.e., where there is school year round.

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Mompiphany #1: The Grass Is Always Greener

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Right after I had my oldest daughter, I vividly remember crying in the fetal position, begging my husband (who was in law school at the time) to please, please find some way, anyway, to make it possible for me to stay home with her.  I was willing to sell all of our worldly possessions, including my coveted Louis Vuitton bag, and even throw in a few bottles of liquid gold, breast milk, to be able to stay home with my sweet, darling first born.

At that time, staying home was not even an option given that my husband was in school and my penchant for power shopping at Baby Gap.

Fast forward 8 years, and 2 more kids later. I am knocking at the door of finally being able to stay at home with my children.  After juggling a career and a family for the past ten years, I have been given the opportunity (read: was laid off) and I can now stay at home with the kids.

I dreamed about this for so long so why am terrified at the prospect of being home 24/7 with my kids?   Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful that it is even an option for me to be able to stay home.  In my dreams, I spend quality time with the kids (without thinking about work), create innovating ways to make mac and cheese, nuggets and fries, while meeting my husband at the door with a perky, “Honey, how was your day?”

But I suspect the reality of my new life may be less than ideal.  What is probably lurking behind door #1 is the kids bickering all day, every day.  I will be screaming that they need to put their things away; my husband will be grilling me if it was really necessary for me to add grilled chicken (an additional expense) to the lunch that we ate out, and the only thing that will be perky about me is the way I toss all three kids into their bed at night (sans a bath or a bed time story) because Mommy just got off of a 24 hour shift.

Here we go, new life.  I got this.  Gulp!

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