Monthly Archives: April 2012

Mompiphany #11: Life, Liberty and The Opportunity To Pee

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I think I speak for most parents when I say that you want better for your kids.  Even though I had a fantastic childhood, I still experienced disappointments, pain and mistakes that I would prefer my kids not have to deal with.  I want them to know that there is no dream too big to work towards.  I want them to know that joy, smiles, and happiness will hopefully outweigh tears, sadness, and any feelings of inadequacy.  And, I want them to know that when you have to use the bathroom you should use it. Is that too much to ask? It pains me to no end when I see my kids squirming, jumping up and down, rocking from side to side, unable to complete a sentence because they need to use the bathroom badly. And, it irritates me to no end that, notwithstanding how badly they need to use the bathroom, they refuse to go until I threaten them with physical harm if they don’t go to the bathroom.

When we are at home they have 3.5 bathrooms at their disposal.  Is there really ever any excuse to not use the bathroom when you have to go?  When we are out, I always scope out the available bathrooms, letting them know that relief is just a few feet away.  And yet, they all, as a matter of habit, always refuse to use the bathroom.  I may not be classically trained, but when it comes to my kids I have my PhD, JD, MD and a lot of other graduate degrees.  So, based on my expert knowledge of my children, I have to assume their unwillingness to use the bathroom when I ask them is because they are scarred from all of the other demands I make of them, e.g., requesting that they make their own beds daily, do their homework, and not fight with each other.  I mean why else would a person not use the bathroom when clearly they need to go?Everyday, everywhere we go we have this same battle.  I ask if they need to use the bathroom, they say no.  I then rephrase the question and tell them that they better try to use the bathroom or we won’t leave the house.

I know how it feels to not be able to use the bathroom, to have hold “it” for several hours or even a couple of days (I swear once when my oldest daughter was a newborn, I forgot to use the bathroom for more than 36 hours.)  I know that this is no way to live.  I just want my kids to pee (and then remember to wash their hands using soap, water, and a lot of friction.) Really, is that too much to ask? Perhaps I need to incentivize my children to use the bathroom when they have to go —  refuse leisurely TV watching, curtail the fruit snack supply and make them pick up after themselves.  Yeah, I’ll try that….

Mompiphany #10: Bedtime Should Be In The Morning

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Before I had kids, I thought that bedtime involved a warm beverage, cuddling in a big cozy blanket, reading for a few minutes, and then drifting off to sleep.  I was even prepared to share some of that routine with the kids.  If you were to see the bedtime routine at our house now, however, it is a lot less warm and cozy and a little more like something out of the exorcist.  I think my head actually spun around 180 degrees once.  Here’s a little taste of what’s going on in my house at bedtime:

To begin our routine, I shut all of the windows to make sure that our neighbors do not have to bear witness to what is about to go down.  Each of my kids takes a shower solo so I have a constant assembly line of butts to wash, faces to clean, and knees to scrub.  The assembly line sometimes get stymied because one likes a bath in tepid temperatures, one likes a shower with warm water, and one prefers to shower without any water or soap (Is that even a shower??).

While everyone is in the process of getting clean, I put my 3 year old son on the potty and make him poop on demand.  Demand seems like such a harsh word, but that is exactly what I do. I actually sit him on the potty and forcefully tell him if he does not poop in this very instant he will not get steps 7 thru 12 in his precious bedtime routine.  While he is screaming that he doesn’t have to poop, my other two children start in on their begging, pleading, whining for Fiber Gummies and Gummy Vitamins (which I hold for ransom to ensure that the bedtime routine runs a little smoother.)

My oldest daughter then throws all of her dirty clothes in a pile next to the hamper in her closet, and then starts trying to smuggle books into her bed so that she can “secretly” read into the wee hours of the morning.  My middle daughter drags out a mannequin  doll head that she likes to comb obsessively while pretending to read a book to it.  My son goes from room to room annoying the mess out of his sisters.

After all of these shenanigans, I brush everyone’s teeth. On a good night, they don’t ask for floss and mouthwash, but on a bad night they request that I brush for 2 minutes (as per the American Academy of Pediatric Dentists) and massage their gums in a circular motion.  ARE YOU SERIOUS?!

Once they are all ready for bed (and this whole process can take as little as 20 minutes if Mommy has a headache), they take turns talking on the phone to daddy, who, if I didn’t know better, is probably parked three doors down from our house, listening to talk radio waiting to see the last night light turned on thereby ensuring that the kids are asleep. (At least, that’s what I would do if I had the luxury of working outside the home during bedtime.) Once they profess their undying love for Daddy, they glaringly look at me, hang up the phone, and all hell breaks loose…again.  Crying, whining, fighting, peeing, and the occasional, “Mom, I think I left my spelling words for my test tomorrow at school. Can I call a friend?”

As I am writing all of this, the routine really does not sound that bad. But, trust me, to live through it – each and every day — it is that bad. Or maybe it is me?  Maybe I am the one that is being bad.  Something in me just turns off at night and I find it hard to care about anything other than my peach green tea and my DVR. I have spent countless hours up with the kids nursing, rubbing, hugging, holding, being vomited on, coughed on, pooped on, etc. When night comes around, I feel like that time is mine. I own my night, and no, I don’t want to share it with anyone.

If putting my kids to bed at 6:45 am were an option I would be all over it, bedtime should absolutely be in the morning.  Anyone else agree?

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Momessentials: Mommy Jeans? Bad. Mommy Necklaces? Good.

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Mother’s Day is coming up, and I can’t think of a better Mother’s Day gift than a Mommy necklace. Before you start envisioning a sterling silver necklace with a charm of a Mother cradling a baby pearl, think again.  The new and improved Mommy necklaces are so adorable that they may make you want to have more kids just to get one.

I got my Mommy necklace from Stella and Dot, and it is a staple in my wardrobe.  Having a Mommy necklace like driving a mini van or being in the PTA; it gets a bad rap, but once you get used to it, it is the best thing ever.  Mommy necklaces don’t have to look outdated.  In fact, the mommy necklaces I have seen lately are bold, fresh, and chic. Here are a few of my favorites:

Stella & Dot Charm Necklace

I was first introduced to Stella & Dot a couple of years ago, and I am glad that I was.  My Mommy necklace is a staple in my wardrobe, with its simple neck chain and delicate charms.  My necklace has my kids’ initials (lucky for me they all share the same initial so I only needed to buy one), their birthstones, and my husband’s initial.

Max & Chloe Monogram Necklace

Despite the fact that I have seen a few of the “Real Housewives” rocking this necklace, I still love it. I am a sucker for anything monogramed, and I love the fact that this Mommy necklace is bold and a little whimsical.

 

Mommy Dog Tags

Let’s be honest.  While some moms like to portray the entrance intro Motherhood as something magical befitting a stork, most of us know the real deal: motherhood involves excruciating pain.  Pain in places that you didn’t know existed, pain that would make you want to slap your own Mother. And after all of this pain, comes what I refer to as the aftermath: hemorrhoids, engorged breasts, uterine cramps, and of course, the icing on the cake is a perfect baby who will not go to sleep.  Motherhood can be like a battle, and you are the General.   So, why not wear some Mommy dog tags?

 

What do you think? Do you wear something everyday that shows your connection to your family? Let me know below!

Momessentials: Stretchy Pants

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Is it me or is it quite clear that the uniform of choice for Moms is stretchy pants? I cannot even remember the last time I wore a proper pant. When I am getting dressed in the morning, I don’t even bother thinking about any other type of pants to wear. Jeans? Too restrictive. Khakis? Too late 90s. Slacks? Don’t make me laugh. Skirts? Not unless there is an interview on my agenda. You can take my heels, you can take my clutch bags, you can take my fancy lingerie, but the one thing you cannot take are my stretchy pants. And by stretchy I mean any sort of cottonesque pant that is part sweatpant, part loungepant, part legging, and part pajama bottom.

Stretchy pants really seem to be the best choice for the busy life of a stay at home mom. They are comfortable, somewhat flattering (especially the ones that have a little bit of compression for the mid-section area). And the best part….. they can camouflage days and days of wear and tear. And clearly I am not the only one who loves stretchy pants. The next time you are out and about at 11am at the park or Costco, check out all of the other Moms in stretchy pants. I now feel part of a secret society.  All we need is a hand shake or fist bump to seal the deal.

lucy perfect core pants

stretchy pants for moms

My favorite stretchy pants are the Lucy Perfect Core Pant ($89) Before you gasp at the price (and trust me I did too), these pants serve as a mini tummy tuck.  There is firm compression in your mid-section so people won’t stop to ask you when you are expecting your next child. They are workout pants meet Spanx, and I love every inch of them. They function as my go-to gym pant as well as my everyday casual, comfortable pant.

Here are some more Momessential stretchy pants:

Old Navy Yoga Pants ($34.94)

lululemon relaxed fit crop ($86)

GapFit gBalance Capris ($20)

Athleta Flash Capri ($69)

C9 by Champion Yoga Pants ($27.99)

Do you wear stretchy pants? If so, let me know who makes your favorite pair.  I don’t think it is possible to have too many of them!

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Mompiphany #8: Ignorance Is Bliss

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In order to be a half way decent Mom/Wife, I have realized that it is imperative that you learn the art of ignoring.  Sounds really harsh, doesn’t it?  But I really don’t know how to be a good Mom and Wife without this critical skill.  In fact, I am quite certain that, without this skill, I would not make it through the day without going certifiably crazy.  For example:

When my son whines, “Moooooooooooooooooooooooooooommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!”  I ignore him.

When my oldest daughter hops off the bus with an attitude “just because.”  I ignore her.

When I am in line at the grocery store by myself, the only 2 minutes that I have to myself all day, and someone from my kid’s school sees me, I unapologetically bury my face in an US weekly and ignore them!

When my younger daughter shows the early signs of outfitdismorphia (defined as the contempt of any and all clothes that I have laid out for her to wear), I ignore her.

When my husband turns up his nose at the brown rice and quinoa pilaf that I lovingly prepared, I ignore him.

See?!  There are lots of occasions each and every day that the art of ignoring helps to keep our house a more peaceful place to live because if I reacted to all of these incidents, I would spend my whole day with a major ‘tude, and that is just no way to live.

Don’t get me wrong.  The art of ignoring has taken me a while to perfect.  When I had my first baby, I was unable to ignore every whimper, cry, coo, gurgle.  Any noise or sound she made, and I was on it.   And, because I am generally reactive when I see something wrong or know that someone needs something, I feel compelled to rise to the occasion and help.   But, over the past 8 years of Motherhood, I have realized that if I don’t ignore certain things I will go off the proverbial deep end.  Gushing blood, a concussion, violent convulsions — I would never ignore.   But, everything else is pretty much fair game.  I now know what they mean when people say, “Ignorance is bliss.”

Mompiphany #7: Shut The Gush Up

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Do you ever have an uneasy feeling when you are around a certain type of person? The person is nice enough, doesn’t appear to be a mass murderer, smells pleasant enough, and even likes the same turkey meatballs from Trader Joe’s that you do.  But, there is just something about them that is a little unsettling.  I feel this way about “gushy moms.”  Gushy moms are those mothers who can only gush about every little thing their child does.

I see them at the park, gushing over their child’s every movement. Gushing about how high little Bobby can swing.  Gushing about how clever little Suzie is at playing in the sand box.  Gushing about how little Cameron is surely going to be in the 2020 Summer Olympics given her incredible running speed.  I sit back quietly with my shades on watching my own kids play (thankful that they are beyond the age when I have to actually get on the jungle gym with them), listening to them gush, and I want to yell, “Shut the GUSH up!”

Some of my “friends” on Facebook are “gushers.”  One Facebook friend uses her status updates and photo captions to gush over how much she loves motherhood and how cute her child is:  “I looooooooooooooove being a Mommy.” “Isn’t he the cutest?!”  “Being a Mommy is the best, I loooooooooooooooooooooove it.”  It goes on and on. Does everything have to be a gush? And if your life is so gush-worthy (and maybe some lives just are), one has to wonder is there ever a moment when your child is not the cutest and may even be a little annoying (like his Mom?).

When I had one child (and a lot more time on my hands), I will admit that I could be prone to gushing.  But, now that I see how freaking annoying it is, I apologize for my prior ways. As moms, it is easy to become consumed with every little thing your kid does.  Trust me I get it. I am my kids’ number one cheerleader.  But, this business of gushing over every little thing  your child does has got to stop.

Don’t get me wrong, praising kids, helping to boost their confidence and making them feel good about themselves are things that I think all parents should do.  But, when a parent gushes about every little thing her child does, I think it lessens some of the child’s bigger accomplishments. Gushing about little William’s love of avocados, gushing about Sammie’s first poop on the potty, gushing about Billy Jr.’s ability to count to 5…be proud, be happy, dole out some praise but please shut the gush up!

Mompiphany #6: All Moms Work

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Why is this even a topic of discussion anymore? I mean seriously. Being a stay at home mom is a job. PERIOD. Although watching Hilary Rosen put her judgmental (although lovely I am sure) heels in her mouth is amusing, what is not amusing is the fact that there are still a lot of people who don’t value the role of a stay at home mom. And before I was one, I admit that I would perhaps downplay how much work a mom actually does on a day-to-day basis. I assumed that moms who stay at home have enough time to cook dinner every night, keep the house spotless, volunteer at their kids’ school, make homemade Halloween costumes, and be energetic enough to cap the night off with relations with their husband.  But, I can tell you that this is the farthest thing from the truth.

As a stay at home mom, my days are consumed with cooking, cleaning, straightening, errands, and the like, and that is just a small part of my day because I haven’t even gotten to the actual mothering part. When the kids are home, I am a tutor, a cheerleader, a chauffeur, a disciplinarian, a baker, a scientist, a cruise director, a podiatrist, a hair dresser, a family therapist, and so much more.  Last week, when I had a bout of diarrhea (sorry if that is a little too much information), I could not take a sick day from work.  I still had to be a mother to my children. And maybe it is just my kids, but they could care less that Mommy is sick; they still wanted to go on a bike ride and make the brownies that I promised them we would make.  As a stay at home mom, you don’t get sick days.  There is no financial compensation, and often times there is no acknowledgment of the sacrifices and work that go into the job.  Hilary Rosen’s comments illustrate that.

Enough with the Mommy Wars. Whether a Mom chooses (and for some Moms it is not a choice) to work outside of the home or to work inside of the home, it is her business. One type of Mom is not more hard working than another type. Being a Mom is hard work.

If all Mommies would just unite, can you imagine what a force we would be to reckon with? ROAR!

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Mompiphany #5: I Am Here, But Not Really

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I have noticed lately that as much as I pride myself on being there for my kids,
most of the time I am not truly present.  Now that I stay at home, I am with my
kids a lot more, especially since my 5 and 3 year old are now in preschool
part-time. When I worked outside of the home, I swore that when I was a stay at
home mom I would be more present because I wouldn’t feel tugged in so many
directions, e.g., work, kids, husband, etc.

But now that I am home with my kids, I find myself creeping over to the computer
to see what is going on with other people’s kids on Facebook when my own kids
are playing tug of war with an open container of bubbles.  I find myself
watching a movie with my kids but instead of sitting down to actually watch the
movie with them, I turn the movie on, make enough popcorn to keep them busy for
a few minutes, and then putter around the kitchen sweeping for the umpteenth
time, instead of just sitting with them and enjoying the show.

I incessantly take pictures when we are in the house, at the park, at the zoo,
on vacation, etc.   But, I am so busy taking pictures of the memories we are
making that I don’t have time to participate in making the memories.

What I am starting to realize is that just because you are home more does not
mean that you are really home (and Lord knows that when my kids start bickering
or someone asks me to help wipe their butt home is the last place that I want to
be).

So, in this “aha!” moment, like only a true type A person like myself can do, I have decided
to add to my to-do list.  I, Marquette Heaven, am vowing to be more
present when I am spending time with my kids.

I am going to try to stop and smell the roses.  I can’t promise, however, that
after I smell the roses, I won’t clean any finger print smudges off of the vase,
reposition them, and clean off the table.

Baby steps, baby steps……

 

Mompiphany #4: All Kids Have A Favorite Parent

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My kids have a favorite parent and it is definitely not me.  My husband in a
landslide vote wins that sacred title.  When he is away on business trips they
always ask when he is coming back.  When he pulls out of the driveway in the
morning they longingly look out the window for minutes after he is gone. My
oldest even wistfully says that she wishes that Daddy could be the one to stay
at home and gently suggests that I be the one to have a demanding job outside of
the house.

I used to be irritated by this blatant showing of favoritism.  I mean don’t they
know that I am the one who pushed for over two hours during each of their births
to deliver their 8 pound selves?  Don’t they know that I was the one who used to
have a taut tummy, but is now banished to tankinis?  Don’t they know that I am
the one who nursed each of them for a year and now have breasts that rival the
California raisins as result of giving them what I affectionately coined,
“Mama’s milkshake”? Don’t they know that I am the one who painstakingly cooks,
cleans, checks homework, reminds them to brush their teeth, put lotion on, etc?
Um, clearly they do, because that is why I am the least favorite parent.

Fruit snacks for all!

 

Mompiphany #3: The Haves And The Have Nots

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We live in a great suburb outside of DC. When we were in the process of looking for our current home, we had a pretty comprehensive list of “must haves”: good schools, nice neighborhood, close proximity to Costco, nearby parks — you know, the important stuff.

While living in a nice neighborhood, certainly has its privileges, there are some drawbacks. Apparently living in a nice neighborhood gives the kids expectations. Now, I will say, that for the most part, my kids are grateful for the things that they get but I am starting to see little peaks of entitlement/jealously here and there.

My oldest daughter will come home from school and wistfully announce that Friend X is going on a Costa Rican monkey hunting excursion for spring break. My middle child will yearningly look at the high heels of a friends’ mother and proclaim, “When I am an adult, I want to wear shoes like that.” Even the three-year old gets in on the action, looking at my phone disdainfully and asking, “Can you get an iPhone?”

So it appears that, regardless of all of the amazing things we expose our kids to, and all of the many sacrifices that we make (I would much prefer to get a tummy tuck than to save for three college educations), the kids seem to think that they are missing out on the best that life has to offer. No Costa Rican excursions, no expensive high heels, and no iPhone.

I tell them that the grass is always greener on the other side, not to covet other people’s things, and to be thankful for what they have. I let them know that some kids don’t eat well-balanced meals every day, participate in sporting events, or get to go on summer vacations like they do. Of course, all of this falls on deaf ears. At the end of the day, the best advice I can offer them is that they should make friends with the kids who are hunting monkeys in the Amazon with their high heel wearing, iPhone having mamas because those are the kids who will have the nicest cars in high school.

I am just sayin’.